In theory, the idea of populating one of history’s greatest imaginative landscapes with the cast of America’s Brattiest Teens isn’t so crazy. Put a filmmaker with some wit in charge – Joss Whedon springs to mind – and the result could be a charming clash of cultures. Sadly, no one involved with Sea of Monsters seems to possess much humour: this is a witless, heartless, imagination-free slice of kiddy bait.

We find our half-Greek-god hero (Logan Lerman) at a rustic summer camp for the cast-off children of Olympian deities – imagine an austerity-slashed Hogwarts. But when this mythic Butlins comes under attack from a pack of preening prep-school types, Percy is forced to seek out the Golden Fleece.

There’s really nothing to recommend Sea of Monsters: the young cast are smug and forgettable; the action sequences barely get going before they’re over; and the whole affair is riddled with product placement and pop cultural references – one girl even seems to possess a magic iPad. Keep the kids at home